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  Chapter 2: Tragics and Tragedy

  The journey to Putami was uneventful and, depending upon one's perspective, pleasant. The day was warm, the air fragrant, and the landscape picturesque. Fotio, after half a flask of stiporo, was feeling fine. Akakion, whose anxiety levels rose with every step he took, wasn't feeling quite as benevolent - and he'd had an entire flask.

  'At last,' Akakion said, as the white walls of the village came into view. Putami was on the edge of the semi-wild lands that lay between Aquinos and The Temple of All Gods. The thick wall around the village gave the residents a feeling of security as they lay in their beds at night. 'I'm going to visit the priest at the local temple here to arrange for supplies for the trip to the Temple. You can wait for me at the inn.'

  'Oh, so now you trust me?'

  Akakion shrugged. 'You have a greater understanding of your fate now,' he said, his voice clear and his words crisp despite having downed a decent volume of stiporo.

  The guard on the wall recognized Akakion and hastily opened the gate.

  'Captain, escort my companion here to the inn and stay with him until I return.'

  'Yes Lord,' the guard replied and turned to Fotio. 'This way, good sir,' he said.

  'There's no need for an escort,' Fotio said, but Akakion was already gone. Fotio could see him scuttling through the crowded streets as if all the demons in the underworld were on his tail. He sighed and turned back to the guardsman. 'Lead the way, Captain.'

  Fotio fell into step with the guard, who led him in the opposite direction to that which the priest had taken. Putami wasn't a big place, but it was surprisingly lively. 'Is it usually this busy?' he asked as they pushed their way through an especially dense intersection.

  'No sir, usually it's a quiet little place. But once a year it fills to the brim for the Tragedy Festival. People come from all over Helvenica to have a bit of a weep, sir. Very popular.'

  'I've lived in Neraki my whole life and have never heard of it.'

  'We get lots of folk from Neraki here, sir. Maybe tragedy just isn't your thing?'

  Fotio considered his life.

  'Yeah, I'm definitely more a dark comedy type of guy. Is there a festival for the ridiculous?'

  'Not that I know of sir. Not here, anyway. We're far too serious here for comedy. Uh, and here we are,' he said, pointing to a large building located on a busy crossroads. There was a picture of a hole painted over the door, which Fotio thought was unusual. The guard led the way, and held the door open for the young thief.

  Fotio was a gregarious individual, and the inn was almost everything he could have wanted. There were people everywhere, the drink was flowing, and the noise was at pain levels. It's just that no one looked like they were having much fun.

  'It's the tragedy festival, sir,' the guard said in response to Fotio's shocked expression. 'All of these people are Tragics. You get used to it after a while. Everyone's enjoying themselves, and that's what counts in the end.

  'But they all look miserable, Captain,' Fotio said.

  'That's part of being a Tragic sir. That and the black clothes. You can't be a Tragic and wear bright green pants with a pink shirt and go around smiling all the time, now can you?'

  Fotio surveyed the tragic scene and almost despaired.

  'I'll be sitting by the door if you need me sir. Have fun.'

  Fotio glared at the guard. 'Thanks,' he said and made his way through the black clad crowd to the bar.

  The innkeeper was plump and rosy of cheek and didn't need the black clothes to show the world he was a Tragic. It was plain to see on his face.

  'Welcome to the Pit of Despair,' he said when Fotio was within earshot. 'Would you care to try a Dismal cocktail? Created special for the festival.'

  'Got anything happier?' Fotio growled.

  The light in the innkeeper's eyes seemed to dim for a moment and his face lost some of its color. Fotio was taken aback by how broken the innkeeper looked. Obviously, being the sponge that absorbs tragic tales all day long can do terrible things to a person.

  'We certainly do,' the innkeeper said, and poured a large measure of stiporo into a glass. 'This is obviously your first encounter with Tragics so I'll give you a little advice. Stiporo helps. The first one is on the house.'

  'I'll try not to smile too much while drinking it,' Fotio said as he accepted his free drink and headed towards the only empty table in the house. It was, coincidently, in a brightly lit area of the Inn, directly opposite a window through which the late afternoon sunlight streamed. The Tragics wouldn't go anywhere near it.

  The thought of spending however long it took Akakion to return, sitting and staring at the dismal scene in the inn made Fotio gag, so he seated himself facing the window.

  'You look a little out of place here,' a voice purred behind him as he was making himself comfortable. Fotio turned around and looked up into a pair of green, almond shaped eyes.

  'Ung,' he said in response. The eyes belonged to the second most beautiful woman Fotio had ever seen. She stood before him, bathed in sunlight, a vision that almost matched that of the Goddess Aquina. His eyes drank in her beauty. They lingered on her oval face, framed by auburn curls that fell to her shoulders. They spent a little more time below the neckline, where her simple, loosely cut, and scant blue dress highlighted the fact that she was a female of the species.

  'Hello? Can I sit down?'

  'Yes, yes, please do,' Fotio said, coming out of his trance.

  'My name is Geneka,' she said, after she had taken a seat. Either by accident or by design - Fotio found it hard to decide which - her dress managed to reveal just enough flesh to raise his temperature but not enough to make him blow his stack.

  'Am I glad to see someone not wearing black.' she said.

  'Me too,' Fotios squeaked. Geneka giggled and he blushed.

  'I'm sorry,' he said in a more normal tone, 'it's been a long day, and it's ended in this depressing place. I wasn't expecting the most beautiful woman in all of Helvenica to step out of the darkness and ask to share my table. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed.'

  Geneka blushed. 'I know how you feel,' she said, crimson to the ears. 'I was sitting at the bar with some of the most miserable people in all of Helvenica when the most handsome man I have ever seen walked through the door.'

  'I think that is, quite possibly, the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.'

  Geneka smiled and Fotio fell in love. He knew it was love because he and Geneka talked and laughed and an hour passed without either of them touching their drink. In fact, he was enjoying himself so much that he began to feel worried.

  'Are you okay?' Geneka asked. 'You look nervous all of a sudden.'

  'That's because I am. We're getting along so well, and I like you so much, and now everything is going to go wrong,' Fotio blurted out.

  'What?'

  'It always does! I've never, ever kissed anyone because it always goes wrong!'

  Geneka looked puzzled. 'You've never been kissed?'

  'Never, ever. Every time I get close, something terrible happens.'

  'Like what?'

  'A burning stone fell from the heavens and struck the bed upon which my first love and I lay just as I was about to steal my first kiss.'

  'Was she struck?'

  'No, but her father's house burnt to the ground, and she said it was my fault.'

  'How could it be your fault? That's just bad luck.'

  'That's what I thought so I moved on. I was on a picnic with my second love and just as I was about to steal a kiss, a tree fell over our blanket and squashed her pet dog.'

  'Oh come on, how can that be your fault?'

  Fotio shrugged. 'I don't know, but it was. Just like it was my fault that lightning struck the next one. And a lion attacked the one after that.'

  'Maybe they just weren't the girls for you.'

  Fotio shrugged and looked crestfallen. 'A wall fell on the last one and I hadn't even talked to her yet.'

&nbs
p; Geneka leaned forward and, before Fotio could react, kissed him gently on the lips. 'Nothing's happened to me,' she said.

  Fotio looked around, expecting the worst. When it didn't happen, he relaxed a little.

  'It's probably because you're not serious,' he said. 'You just did that to prove a point.'

  'No, nothing happened because I am protected by Monos. The old Gods have no power over me.'

  Fotio dropped his head into his hands and began to sob. 'I knew something bad would happen, I just knew it!'

  'Come with me, Fotio. Monos is a benevolent God,' Geneka said. She leaned forward and took Fotio's hands in hers. 'I haven't taken my vows yet. Why don't you come up to my room with me? Tomorrow, after a night of passion and love, we will take our vows together. A year will pass in the blink of an eye and then we can make love every full moon for the rest of our lives.'

  'How can you do such a thing? How can you betray your people and your Gods? How can you forsake meat?' Fotio wailed. 'Even if I wanted to, I can't come with you! Aquina herself has sent me on a mission. I'm to accompany Akakion, the Keeper of the Order, to try and stop the war!'

  'There will only be war if the people resist the coming of the True God,' Geneka said. 'Come with me and we will spread the word. Once people know that the light is coming, they will abandon the darkness.'

  'Do you really believe that?' Fotio said.

  'Yes. The coming of the light is inevitable. Join us.'

  Through the window, Fotio saw Akakion trudging disconsolately towards the Inn. 'Akakion has returned,' he said.

  'Where,' Geneka said, and looked panicked.

  At the door, the Captain stood and saluted when Akakion entered the inn, and then returned to loitering in the shadows.

  'That's him there,' Fotio said, and turned to Geneka, but the seat was empty.

  Akakion, with a glum look on his face, flopped down into the now empty seat beside Fotio0. 'She's gone,' he said.

  'How do you know she's gone? Did you see her?'

  'What?'

  'Geneka, the girl who was sitting where you are now.'

  'I didn't see no girl. I was talking about my wife. Not even the Gods can help me. My Sharon is gone.'

  'I'm sorry. That's tragic. How did she pass away?'

  Akakion suddenly looked angry. 'She's not dead, you buffoon, she left me.'

  'Oh, I'm sorry.'

  'And the great Mazi can't do anything about it. Sharon has Strigla on her side and he daren't get involved.'

  'Strigla?'

  'Mazi's wife, one of the seven spirits of love. Don't you know anything about your Gods?'

  Fotio shrugged. 'I was banned from religious studies at school.'

  'Why?'

  'I hit the teacher with a chair.'

  'That was a stupid thing to do.'

  'He was picking on me!' Fotio said, defensively.' And anyway, I didn't hit him all that hard. Sure, he lost consciousness for a bit but he was back at school the next week.'

  'You could be Fate's first failure,' Akakion said.

  'I don't get the connection between Mazi and your wife leaving you.'

  'He's the lord of the Gods! He should be able to do something about it! He could command her to come back to me, or use his divine power to make her love me unquestioningly.'

  'Oh,' said Fotio. 'Is that why you went to the temple?'

  'Definitely not! I was there to organize our supplies for the journey south. But, since I was already in a temple I thought it wouldn't hurt to make a quick sacrifice and see how my prayer had been received.' Akakion fell silent for a moment and looked like he was fighting back tears. 'Mazi said I should just forget her and get on with my life.'

  'Sounds like good advice to me. Have a drink or two. That'll help you forget, for a while anyway.'

  'NO!' Akakion stood and slammed his fist on the table, where it left a sizeable dent, and sent Fotio's drink tumbling to the ground. 'I will not drink! I will not mope! I will not curl up and die! That's what she wants, but she can't have it. By the Twelve, I will rise above. I don't need her! I am Akakion, Keeper of the bloody Order and I will not be broken by a sour faced harpy!'

  'Atta' boy,' Fotio said, and signaled to the innkeeper to replace his spilt drink. Akakion's return had reignited his desire for alcohol.

  'There is no time for that!' Akakion shouted, and jumped out of his seat. 'We must press on. This adventure will be the salvation of our people and we must not delay. We will set off immediately!'

  'No we won't! It's been a big day and I'm tired. We'll have a good night's sleep here and set out nice and early tomorrow morning, just like we planned. What do you say?'

  'NO! It must be now. The sooner we go, the sooner I can show that bitch that she's made a mistake leaving me. I, Akakion, will save Helvenica and her Gods and when I do, I'll shove it right up her...'

  Akakion's rage was all encompassing, so he hadn't seen Fotio stand up, nor was he ready for the expertly executed jab to his jaw that knocked him halfway into dreamland.

  Fotio rubbed his knuckles and looked down at the priest's semi-conscious form, sprawled face down on the table and bathed in sunlight. 'I've been dying to do that ever since I met him,' he said, to no one in particular.

  A hand dragged back his hair and a sword magically appeared at his throat. 'You're going to hang for that,' said an angry voice behind him. 'That's if I don't slice you open first.'

  'That's enough Captain,' Akakion said. He sat up and shook his head to clear the lingering shadows of his temporary stupor. 'Believe it or not, the fate of all Helvenica rests on this boy's shoulders.'

  'Stuff Helvenica. No one clobbers the Keeper of the Order in my town and gets away with it.'

  'He did us both a favor, Attios. The grief of losing my wife maddened me for a moment. Fotio's blow drove away the madness and for that, I am grateful.'

  The blade vanished from Fotio's throat and the hand release his hair.

  'You're lucky the Lord Akakion is a forgiving man,' Captain Attios said as he sheathed his sword.

  'Thank you, Captain, you may return to your duties now.'

  'As you wish, Lord. Pardon me if I'm being out of line, my Lord, but we heard down at the barracks that you was having a hard time of it lately. If you need cheering up or anything, you're always welcome to come down to the mess hall and hang out with us. Some of the lads are so funny they could put a smile on a Tragic's face.'

  'If only I could, Captain, I would gladly take you up on your invitation. But we are on an urgent mission and will be leaving at first light.'

  Captain Attios saluted Akakion, gave Fotio a greasy look, and marched out of the inn.

  Fotio watched him go. 'Why do all the guards like you?' he asked, looking out the window at the Captain's progress through the tragic choked streets.

  'They like me because I'm their paymaster. It's smart to be on good terms with the boss.'

  'It's more than that, though. You know them all by name. And Captain Attios there was really annoyed that I'd given you a love tap.'

  Akakion felt at his jaw. 'Each year, the Gods choose fifty warriors to spend three months with me learning to be leaders as well as fighters. Maybe I make a good impression.'

  Fotio sighed and looked at his spilt drink. Akakion sighed and looked at Fotio's spilt drink. As one, they turned and signaled the innkeeper to bring them more.

  The innkeeper, like all good barkeeps in the universe, did not need verbal instruction. The way his clients stood, their demeanor, and their sullen expressions were enough to tell him what he needed to know. He poured three very large glasses of stiporo, downed one in a sudden mouthful and, still gagging at the burning in his throat, carried the others to the only two Tragics in the house not wearing black.

  (ii)

  Atop a very high mountain, the Goddess Aquina looked down into the Pit of Despair and smiled.

  'Who would have thought that such a handsome young man could go through life without being ensnared in Love's web?
At least we know he won't be tempted to betray us.'

  Geneka, who was standing beside her, shrugged. 'He's so sweet,' she said, looking down at Fotio with a faraway look in her eyes.

  'Now, now, Genny, how many times have I told you, no romantic trysts with humans,' Aquina said. 'Especially not this one. Fate says that he will be our salvation, but I'm not so sure. There's something about him that doesn't sit right.'

  'I'm old enough to take care of myself, Mom.'

  'Who in their right mind would have children,' Aquina muttered to herself, and then returned her gaze to the Inn, where Fotio was getting well and truly smashed. She was feeling a little disappointed with Akakion, whom she was relying upon to keep the young thief in line. From all appearances, the priest was in an even worse state than his ward. It was strange because the Keeper was usually so dependable that he bordered on being boring

  'Thank the Pillars of Fate that Fotio's not a vegetarian,' she said.

  (iii)

  In the Pit of Despair, Fotio couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching him, which compounded his general feeling of gloominess. Akakion, after organizing their rooms with the innkeeper, had settled in for a night of self-pity and was going on and on about how the Gods had abandoned him. It was starting to get on Fotio's nerves.

  'How can you say that?' Fotio snapped in response to a particularly nerve-grating moan from the priest. 'The Gods are everywhere! Less than a day has passed since we last spoke to Aquina in person. We tread in fear lest she hear our blasphemy and fry our nuts. I don't think it's possible for the Gods to be more involved without sharing our beds.'

  'Yes, but what good are the Gods if they don't provide guidance,' Akakion replied, vehemently. 'I'm abandoned! You're abandoned! We're all abandoned!' He paused his wailing for a moment to take a gulp from his cup of stiporo. 'We are forsaken!'

  'Oh come on, Mazi spoke to you in person! He told you himself to get on with your life. That's guidance. You're not abandoned, you're just drunk.'

  'Oh please, that's not guidance. He didn't want to get in trouble with his wife, but he had to say something. Empty words not worth the breath he wasted upon them.'

  'Well, he's still married, isn't he? And you're not? Maybe you should take a leaf out of his book and do things that make your wife happy?'

  Akakion snorted into his drink. 'Yeah, right. He and Strigla are married in name only. They don't even live on the same side of Mount Polypsilo anymore.'

  'What?'

  'Yeah, you heard me. He's just too proud to admit he married the wrong person. They live a lie, Fotio. Our Gods are liars. And they won't do anything that isn't in their own interest, you know what I mean? They've got responsibilities to us, the people of Helvenica. We give them their power. We worship them, and make sacrifices to them, and what do we get in return? Nothing! Absolutely nothing.'

  Fotio drained his cup for all the good it would do. Not even stiporo could shift his mood of black sobriety. All he could think about was Geneka and the fact that, if ever their paths were to cross again, she would probably be celibate and cheering for the other side. 'I'm going to bed,' he said. 'See you in the morning.'